For years now I've been reading and writing; learning more and more about myself as the words flow. I have been creatively writing prior to ever coming to high school and as I have changed so has my writing. Writing has always come easiest to me when I find an inner voice that draws on an ever aging perception that seems very unorthodox to others. Most others don't see certain things in the way that I do and I believe that this is shown in my writing; particularly my subconscious desire to show every aspect of a story or character in the darkest light that I can paint them in. I put a lot of thought and detail into the plot of my stories and the background of my characters. Due to this my readers tend to connect almost half as much as I do to my characters, the oddest pride is writing something that moves someone to tears.
Writers have always been given the mental illness stigma, and probably rightly so. One of the most common things writers say is that they hear a mental voice and it helps with their writing; I'm not one to disagree. The majority of the time that I write productively it's due to a "voice" that I hear per say, it's almost like telling yourself a story without really needing to think of it as a story; just pictures and people that your subconscious gathers and you manipulate either consciously or unconsciously. An idea is fluid and forever changing and personally I find it easier to choose an ending among many than to bang my head off the desk and hope an idea is sparked. Already knowing the words that I want conveyed makes writing so much easier for me, I love being so taken by a story that I can't put the pen down until it's all out. However when I say that it doesn't mean that I enjoy any of my own writing, I'm ashamed of almost every word and have been for so long now; what do you do when you have no control over the things you hear in your head?
Creatively writing has definitely shown me my own flaws; I procrastinate to a disgusting extent and stress myself out due to it. I love writing and reading but if I don't set myself to it I never seem to find the time. I will always draw back on the voices as my main source of inspiration, they are my best resource but also my biggest flaw. With everything so loud in your head its hard to think that no one else can hear it, that people can look you in the eyes and have no idea the torrential downpour of ideas that is in your mind. Writing teaches you about yourself; the problem is liking what you put down on paper when you can't stand the very place that those ideas are coming from in the first place.
